Thanks for coming by history. Look I’m sorry you thought this was going to be a surprise party but I am the only one here. Have a seat. You can sit there. Yes just move that onto the coffee table, put everything, on the table, yes, the remote too. I invited you over to start the healing process. For the better part of 10,000 years you have been paying more attention to the fellas. That has to change it’s all in the past. History, it is time to give the ladies some love. This great journey will take many steps, let’s just start with one…

This post comes with a warning. Anyone who did not grow-up a poor black child in Louisiana during the 19th century may feel less accomplished after reading any further. Just saying…

Greatest CEO ever? Perhaps...

Born Sarah Breedlove, died Madame C.J. Walker, she became the first self-made African-American women in the United States. Suck on that Oprah! Breedlove became the first self-made millionairess in 19th century America, from the South, which was a very racist place. As a woman in the 19th century, a slightly misogynist time, way before Gloria Steinem was born or the women’s right movement. If a million monkeys with a million microphones, told the Guffaw a million times that an African-American woman became the first self-made millionairess in the United States, then the Guffaw would so no effing way a million times.

Moving on, Breedlove made her fortune by developing a hair straightener for African-American women and subsequent beauty products. She was married at 14 years-old and widowed at 20 years-old with a daughter. She moved to St. Louis and attended night school. During the day she passed the hours as a washerwoman (sleep is for cowards). In the 1890′s Breedlove, began to experiment with hair remedies to alleviate thinning hair. Voila! She invented a method using pomade, heated combs and lots of brushing to straighten “kinky” hair.

That is when the millions started to pour in. Breedlove rebranded herself Madame C.J. Walker and had agents/saleswomen or “Walker Agents” fanned out all over the United States and the Caribbean selling beauty products and giving hair straightening advice. She based her business in Indianapolis (really? Indianapolis, a million dollars and she chose Indianapolis? whatever works, maybe she was a Pacers fan). She died in 1910 known for her philanthropy and with a business worth north of a million dollars.

So all you Vanderbilts, Carnagies, DuPonts, Rockerfellers and Morgans you can build your railroads, mix your chemicals and live in Pittsburgh. If the Guffaw needs someone to market their wares, then we’ll take the lady born in Louisiana (have you seen JP Morgan’s nose? It is scary). Madame Walker made her fortune against all possible odds. Once again, suck on that Oprah.*

*The Guffaw is not an Oprah fan. How does she get her own television network and Arrested Development can’t get a fourth season? Riddle me that world…